A player in my tournament traveled roughly fourteen hours from The Hague to be there.
Fourteen hours.
Not for a trophy.
Not for a prize purse.
Not for a networking gimmick.
He said something simple that stuck with me:
“This is all about relationships.”
I’ve replayed that line a dozen times since.
Because it’s not just true about a tournament.
It’s true about business.
And it’s especially true about SBA work—where deals don’t succeed because the numbers are pretty, but because the people stay aligned long enough to solve what inevitably goes wrong.
We talk about systems, process, tools, efficiency, automation.
But the longer you do this, the more obvious it becomes:
Relationships are the real infrastructure.
And infrastructure isn’t glamorous. It’s not the headline.
But it’s what holds the weight.
Relationships Aren’t Soft. They’re Structural.
People sometimes treat “relationships” like a nice extra. Like a personality trait. Like the human part that sits beside the “real” work.
That’s a mistake.
Relationships are not sentimental.
They’re not a substitute for competence.
They’re not an alternative to rigor.
They’re the structure that allows competence to function under stress.
Because business isn’t a straight line. It’s an obstacle course:
- timelines slip
- information arrives late
- expectations collide
- misunderstandings multiply
- emotions rise as pressure rises
In those moments, what keeps things from breaking isn’t a better spreadsheet.
It’s trust.
And trust is built through relationships that are consistent enough to survive friction.
That’s why relationships are strategy.
They’re what remain when the market gets noisy.
They’re what endure when a deal gets complicated.
They’re what hold when a file becomes heavier than it should be.
Networking Is Contact. Relationships Are Commitment.
Most professionals have been taught to “network.”
Collect names.
Make touches.
Stay visible.
Networking has its place. But networking is often transactional at the core—an exchange of access.
Relationships are different.
Relationships are built when you remember what matters to someone else.
When you show up again.
When you protect their time.
When you tell the truth when it’s inconvenient.
When you do what you said you’d do—especially when nobody is watching.
Networking is a handshake.
Relationships are a track record.
And a track record is what creates:
- referrals that don’t require selling
- partnerships that don’t require persuasion
- trust that doesn’t collapse under pressure
That’s why marketing gets attention—but relationships keep it.
A post can go viral.
A relationship can last decades.
Reliability Is a Relationship Strategy (and It’s Underrated)
Some people think relationships are built through charisma.
They aren’t.
They’re built through reliability:
- returning calls
- being clear
- being consistent
- meeting deadlines (or communicating early when you can’t)
- telling people what they need to hear, not just what they want
Reliability is rare.
Which is exactly why it stands out.
In a world filled with performative professionalism, reliability is unmistakable.
And here’s the hidden advantage:
Reliability reduces the need for interpretation.
When people trust you, they don’t waste time decoding your intent.
They don’t wonder what you meant.
They don’t assume you’re hiding something.
They move faster—because trust removes drag.
The SBA Triangle That Actually Determines Outcomes
SBA lending is often framed like it’s primarily a math problem:
DSCR.
Collateral.
Global cash flow.
Liquidity.
Equity injection.
Those matter. Of course they do.
But if you’ve been around enough SBA deals, you learn the quieter truth:
Most SBA outcomes are determined by relationships—not ratios.
The real dynamic is a triangle:
- Borrower
- Lender
- Vendor ecosystem (valuation, CPA, attorney, broker, insurance, environmental, etc.)
When that triangle is healthy, the deal has resilience.
Problems arise—and the team stays aligned long enough to solve them.
When the triangle is unhealthy, even a “good deal” can unravel.
Not because the numbers are wrong.
But because trust is thin and communication is fragile.
SBA deals are inherently human:
- an owner-operator buying a life
- a lender underwriting both a business and a person
- vendors translating complexity into documents that must be defensible
That requires coordination.
And coordination requires trust.
The Relationship Mistake That Creates Most SBA Friction
If I had to name the most common SBA mistake I see, it’s not a financial error.
It’s a relational error.
Someone in the triangle treats another party like a tool instead of a partner.
Sometimes it’s the borrower who thinks the lender is “just a hurdle.”
Sometimes it’s the lender who treats vendors as interchangeable.
Sometimes it’s the vendor who forgets the lender’s job is risk management—not education.
When that mindset shows up, communication becomes defensive:
- people stop asking questions because they don’t want to look uninformed
- they stop sharing context because they don’t want to “risk the deal”
- they stop collaborating because they don’t believe collaboration will be reciprocated
And then the file becomes heavier than it needs to be.
The irony is: SBA transactions already contain enough uncertainty.
You don’t need relational uncertainty layered on top of it.
The Quiet Killer of SBA Deals: Silence
If I had to name one behavior that destroys SBA deals more than anything else, it would be this:
Silence.
Silence from borrowers afraid to disclose an issue.
Silence from lenders who assume the borrower “should know.”
Silence from vendors who see a risk but don’t want to rock the boat.
Silence doesn’t protect deals.
It delays the truth until it becomes expensive.
Strong relationships don’t eliminate problems.
They make problems manageable—because people talk early.
When relationships are strong:
- issues surface sooner
- expectations are clarified earlier
- solutions happen faster
- surprises shrink
When relationships are weak:
- people posture
- people hide
- people wait until the last possible moment
- and then everyone pays for the delay
In SBA work, communication is not a courtesy.
It’s risk management.
Independence Doesn’t Mean Disconnection
One of the most misunderstood concepts in SBA work—especially in valuation—is the role of the independent third party.
Independence is not hostility.
It’s not aloofness.
It’s not “hands off.”
Independence means objectivity.
But objectivity does not require disconnection.
A good independent vendor is still collaborative:
- clarifying what matters
- framing conclusions in lender language
- preventing avoidable misinterpretation
- asking hard questions without drama
Because SBA deals are emotionally loaded.
Borrowers want the deal.
Sellers want the deal.
Brokers want the deal.
Lenders want to close responsibly.
A vendor’s independence keeps the triangle honest.
But honesty must be communicated with professionalism and respect—or it becomes conflict.
Independence without relationship becomes cold.
Relationship without independence becomes compromised.
The correct balance is simple:
Independent and engaged.
What the Hague Traveler Actually Reminded Me Of
A 14-hour trip is not a transaction.
It’s a statement.
It’s someone saying: this matters enough to show up.
And that’s the core lesson:
Relationships aren’t built through convenience.
They’re built through repeated proof.
Over time, people learn:
- whether you respect them
- whether you minimize their concerns
- whether you tell the truth when it’s uncomfortable
- whether you show up when it matters
People may forget the details of what you said.
They won’t forget how dealing with you felt.
And that’s why relationships become a kind of momentum.
Because history creates loyalty.
Loyalty creates stability.
And stability creates a business that lasts.
The Relationship Standard
If I had to reduce all of this to one standard, it would be this:
Treat relationships like something you’re responsible for—
not something you’re entitled to.
Because you’re not owed loyalty.
You’re not owed respect.
You’re not owed trust.
You earn those through consistent behavior over time.
And if you build relationships intentionally, you won’t have to chase business.
Business will follow trust.
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